Expansion, Then Contraction

Here's something I frequently notice: I'll be going through something expanding. Recently, I'm discovering what it means to lead. Something I've never quite understood, and let's just say, that as a leader (and husband and father and human being), that's a pretty critical thing to get. It was such a revelation, and suddenly things that had puzzled me for years became clear. Things I'd struggled with where no longer a struggle. It felt so great and easy to step into that role. Massive expansion. And then, immediately, the fear of losing it sets in. It felt so easy, what if it was a fluke? What if it wasn't really something I did, something within my control? What if it was just a happy accident, and now I'm back to my old ways? Immediately I start to contract, I want to control things, instead of that easy flowing expansive place I was in, I'm slowly but surely sinking into a contracted, fearful place, which is the complete opposite of the energy I so desperately wanted to hold on to. And thus, my attempt at holding on to what was so great caused me to lose it. This is a pattern that happens over and over again, If we're not aware of it, and consciously choose to surrender to what is, and to allow the state that we wish to happen naturally without trying to control it, we'll be guaranteed to lose it. That to me is actually the beauty of it all. When life feels like you're riding a wave. In order for that to happen, you have to be willing to be in-between waves from time to time without making a drama about it. As always, the Buddha said it best: Not too tight, not too loose.