Standing up for yourself
During the breaks at the Hay House conference in New York, the different authors were busy signing books. And the lines were long. Especially for Louise Hay herself.
Both Saturday and Sunday, she was out there in the lunch break, signing books. On Saturday, I waited with Phoebe in the line. She wanted to say hi to Louise, so she did. (Phoebe said: “I’ve been wanting to meet you for many years”. Louise replied: “Well, here we are!”) She also wanted a picture with Louise, so I took the picture. I also wanted to say hi, and to have my picture taken, but the two ladies handling the process were so rushed, they just pushed me out of the way, and pushed the next person in line up to Louise. I felt hurt, but let it pass.
Sunday she was at it again, signing books. This time, I wanted to have my picture taken. I waited for the line to get shorter, but it didn’t. I got in line anyway. I hadn’t brought any books to sign, because they’re all on my iPad, at home. I could’ve asked her to sign my iPhone, but that felt silly.
By the time I got up to her, she’d already been sitting there for at least 2 hours, and agin, the two ladies helping our were super-rushed. When they saw I had no book, they pushed me aside. I said, I’d like a picture. They said, sure, take a picture of her. I said, I’d like to be in the picture with her. They said, sorry, can’t help you. I said “I’ve been waiting in line for over an hour”. They said, “sorry, can’t help you”. The next person after me had already been pushed up there and the line had moved on. I was stunned. I felt hurt.
I went back into the conference hall, where the next speaker was 20 minutes into his talk. I went and sat down next to Phoebe, and tried to brush it off. It really isn’t that big of a deal with that picture. But as I sat there, I had to admit that it did hurt. The picture isn’t so important. It was the way I was being ignored and brushed aside that hurt. “Move over, we adults are busy here. You’re in the way.”
It hit an old hurt of being a child, and feeling like I was in the way, being brushed aside, being ignored, being disrespected, and with no parents to stand up for me, no-one to defend me, to fight for me.
As I sat there next to Phoebe, I realized this, and I realized it was time to change. I realized that these two women were just scared children too. I’d overheard them saying something about a car waiting outside. They were running late, and were stuck between disappointing the people in line or Louise or the car service man or whoever. They were just trying to do their jobs, and too afraid and agitated to see clearly.
I decided I wasn’t going to let them stomp all over my wants, os I got back out, and got back in line. The line was short now. I asked the next person in line if she’d take my picture with Louise. She agreed to. This time I got to talk to Louise. I told her I’d have her sign my iPad, but I didn’t bring it. She agreed iPads were great. She was very sweet. But very busy signing books. No time for a real photo-op, but at least she was being nice about it.
So I got my picture. Not a great one, but I got one. I changed a pattern.
The way our parents treated us growing up become a part of how we treat ourselves today, and the pattern of not standing up for myself is a pattern whose time has passed. It’s time to change. There are a couple of ways to change these deep unconscious programs. One is to shed conscious light on it. One is to say a new belief in the form of affirmations. A third is to demonstrate a new behavior, take a different action. In my experience, all three are great, all require lets of repetition, but the third one tends to be the most powerful. Acting differently makes an impression that words alone do not.
After doing this, I wrote down some affirmations to back it up, which I said to myself right there, and again this morning in the mirror:
I see you. I love you. I support you. I am with you. I root for you. I am for you. I respect you. I will stand up for you. I recognize your needs. I am mindful of your boundaries. I pay attention to you. I will fight for you. I will protect you. I will ensure you have everything you need to thrive and grow. Together we will make this happen. I have your back. You are mine. Forever. I love you.
As I do this, I realize I’m also breaking a pattern for my children.
That’s the beauty of this work. It keeps getting passed down the generations, until we choose to stop it. The power is ours.
Question for YOU:
What patterns have YOU noticed recently, and if you made a conscious change, what was it?
If not, would you be willing to make a commitment to changing them right now?