The only thing that really matters`
My personal development journey started in earnestness in 2007 when I took a training to become a coach. That was five years ago.
I remember the teacher, Chris Manning, talking a heckuva lot about acceptance. All the things we did as a coach, ever, it seemed, led back to Acceptance. Sometimes using Understanding as a stepping stone, but always leading back to Acceptance.
Acceptance means you align yourself with the truth of what is. With reality. When you don't accept what is, you're in opposition to Reality, and Reality is a mighty opponent. When you don't accept what is, you're essentially living in a fiction, in a dream world.
But it took five years until I finally got it. I remember it clearly, because it happened on my 38th birthday, exactly three months ago today. That day was the first time I experienced really accepting myself - really loving myself. It's the same thing.
Years ago, I'd understood the concept of self-love up in my head. But my subconscious was a more sly than that.
My subconscious was so convinced that I wasn't anywhere near good enough to be worthy of being in this world, that there was so much work still to do improving on myself, that it had to keep any trace of love out of my system, at all cost. It was terrified that if it let even the tiniest sliver of love slip in, there was no way I was going to work hard on improving all of those areas where I fell short.
Three months ago, a crack appeared in that pattern for the first time. And since then, that crack has grown and grown, to the point where I've managed to escape the victim role that I've been so insistently playing my whole life. I've become happier and more fun to be with. I've cleared out so much old junk that could finally come up for healing now that I wasn't going to smack it down hard, like I used to.
And I've started to see magic happen in so many areas of my life that I've been struggling with for so long. People have started showing up in my life. Exciting things are happening.
I realize now that loving myself - not mentally, but physically in my body, and in my subconscious mind - is the most important thing in the world, period. In fact, it's the only thing that really matters.
I've found myself do things I never thought I'd see myself doing, because they were so silly. I look myself directly in the eyes several times each day, saying "Calvin, I love you! I really really love you!". Felt really awkward in the beginning - still does sometimes - but it's really cool. I kiss the grass each morning on my way to yoga. I feel gratitude for everything in my life every morning and every evening. I've started saying affirmations out loud whenever i catch myself with a belief that isn't working. I can guarantee you I did not expect me to do these things.
And when all of these wonderful feelings of unworthiness or inferiority or insecurity or fear or sadness comes up, I love myself for experiencing them. Instead of criticizing myself for feeling inferior (again!!), I love myself for feeling it. All it means is that I'm a real, live, breathing human being. All it means I've experienced what I have, and it's still not processed. All it means is Life is showing up. That feeling is part of Reality right now, and I can not only accept it, I can LOVE it. Thank GOD I'm having this human experience. Isn't it amazing that it's even possible? Wow. Thank you!
The truth is that loving yourself is the most important, most courageous thing you can do.
Are you willing, right this moment, to love yourself, even if you don't know how?
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