Discovering Reality
Before we can talk about where we want to get to and how to get there, we need to know where we are.
But here’s the problem: we no longer have an agreed-upon source of truth.
According to Axios from October 2023, only 32% of Americans say they have “a great deal” or “a fair amount” of confidence that the media reports the news in a full, fair and accurate way.
And when you break it down by party lines, it’s even more stark: 58% of Democrats, vs 29% of Independents, and just 11% of Republicans.
That’s a problem.
What on earth did the media do to earn such a reputation? And why would it differ so much by party? That’s worth looking into, and we will in the chapter on trust in media.
For now, though, we have to accept the fact that there’s no good solution right now. Maybe there never was.
You have to learn to be your own journalist and researcher. You have to learn to read news articles critically, to look through source documents, and to use your own intuition and judgment.
This is a very valuable skill to have regardless, and it was probably always the case that whoever puts out information always has an agenda. You always have to think critically.
The best thing you can do is talk to people who see the world differently than you, who see different sources of information, and learn from them.
United We Talk
My Chief of Staff Elizabeth Barr-Jobson and I live in different media bubbles and have different world views.
One of my friends told me his girlfriend had remarked “how come they work together, then?”
We work together because despite different worldviews, we have shared values, we love and respect each other, and we enjoy talking and learning from each other.
It’s very insightful, and it’s somewhat of a lost art.
We started a podcast recently called, where she and I discuss relevant political topics. Check it out. I think you might enjoy it and learn a lot.
In this chapter, I’d like to share what I’ve found about how to have productive political conversations. It’s simpler than you think, though it’lltake some practice.
But first, let’s double-click on the low rung vs high rung distinction, because that holds the key to productive political conversations.
Low Rung vs High Rung
Left vs right used to be the most useful distinction. It isn’t anymore. It still has some relevance, but mainly it’s keeping us stuck, confused, and easy to manipulate by making us fight about policies.
High Rung vs Low Rung is a second dimension that Tim Urban introduced into the conversation, and which explains a lot. Look him up, watch his stuff, buy his book, he’s great.
In a high rung world, ideas are external to us. We can look at them, take them apart, tinker with them, and arrive at better ideas by sharing and debating them.
In a low rung world, ideas are part of our identity. If someone questions our ideas, we feel threatened, and that person is an asshole.
In a high rung world, we start with not knowing, and we go through some process of discovery to arrive at knowing. Knowing is never absolute, but is associated with some degree of certainty that’s never zero, never 100%, always somewhere in-between.
In a low rung world, we start with knowing and then we look for evidence to support what we think we know to already be true.
High rung is a process of discovery where we can disagree and still be friends.
Low rung is a game of us vs them. The good guys and the bad guys. In groups and out-groups.
Tribes
As we’ve discussed, human beings are tribal.
We naturally belong to tribes, from politics, to sports teams, to company teams, and beyond. Democrats vs Republicans, Leftists vs Conservatives, Instagrammers vs X’ers, Apple vs Android, vegans vs meat-eaters, Marvel vs DC, and on and on. Them and us.
We’re wired this way. We crave belonging. Even people who don’t want to belong anywhere still want to belong to the group of people who don’t want to belong.
When our personal principles and the tribe’s principles agree, everything’s good.
When our principles and our tribe’s principles conflict, that’s when the truth is revealed:
In high rung, we stick to our principles.
In low rung, we abandon our principles and stick to the tribe.
My original insight after leaving the Democrats was totally a high rung insight: “Hey, if we all mostly want the same things, can’t we just talk about that and figure it out together?“
I imagined we could talk about where we are (reality), where we want to get to (desired outcomes), what principles should govern our conduct (values), and the best way to get from here to there (strategies or policies).
That’s high rung.
But that’s not the conversation most people are having.
Why?
The Low Rung Flare Up
We’ve seen a massive shift from high rung to low rung. We’re more divided, and more angry, distraught, scared, and confused than we used to be.
There’s been a shift in our environment that’s pulling us down towards low rung.
We all do both high rung and low rung depending on context. We get emotionally triggered by something, which makes us go low rung, and we get defensive about our positions.
Low rung happens when your inner caveman or cavewoman gets activated. The limbic system, the amygdala, the fight or flight response. Our prefrontal cortex shuts down and we cannot think rationally.
When low rung, you’re not able to actually hear arguments. It’s not that you don’t want to. Your mind simply cannot hear what’s being said.
Look out for that as you read this book. If your inner caveperson gets triggered, you know this is a sore spot for you, and it’s best to take a pause and come back to it when you’ve identified and questioned the thought that caused you stress.
Today, though, it’s even worse. People don’t just want to avoid hearing opposing viewpoints, they want to prevent others from hearing them too. Labeling, ad hominem attacks, censorship, calls for limits to free speech, cancel culture, social media mobs, deplatforming, and debanking, are all examples of trying to silence “wrong” viewpoints and punish the people who speak them.
It’s toxic and dangerous.
As we’ve seen, this also causes a lot of people to keep their opinions tothemselves for fear of getting in trouble, which gives a false sense of agreement. This is dangerous, because it makes us easier to manipulate. People don’t realize how many people agree with them, and so they thinkthey’re probably in the minority, when in reality they might be the silent majority.
By having the courage to speak up, we signal to others who don’t yet have the courage that it’s safe to do so, despite the inevitable backlash.
My own experience with this taught me the secret code language to gaugeothers before speaking, because it’s often just too much of a hassle to deal with people who get triggered so easily.
A friend of mine told me it felt exactly like in the Soviet Union where he grew up: you had to speak in coded language to figure out who you could be real with and who would snitch on you and get you sent to the gulags.
That’s the world we’ve created, though the actual gulags are not quite here yet.
Why Low Rung is Flaring Up Now
Why is this flare up of low rung behavior happening now?
For several reasons.
With cable news, internet, and social media, the media landscape splintered. We went from a media that aimed to stay reasonably objective, accurate, and high rung, to tribal media each catering to their tribes in a constant battle for clicks and attention.
Social media algorithms are a massive part of this, where we’re mostly exposed to content that confirms our biases and gets us riled up to respond emotionally so we stay on the apps for longer.
Our worst fears and suspicions are continuously validated, and it gets us angry, scared, offended, justified. “I knew it! Those bastards! They’re out to get me!” This in turn activates the inner caveman and cavewoman and we stay low rung.
But there’s something deeper and more sinister at play too.
I believe we’re deliberately being acted on by the blob to keep us scared, sick, confused, lost, traumatized, and preoccupied with fighting each other, so we don’t notice that we’re being robbed blind.
Labels
A lot of what happens in our conversations around politics is bad faith low
rung BS.
I’ll share a few examples so you’ll learn to spot it and you can see how they work.
Labels are one of the most common ones.
Labels are a great way to shame the person and avoid having to address their argument.
They work because shame is such a powerful emotion. People are scared of revealing something terrible about themselves, and so they self censor to avoid being labeled. Hence labeling doesn’t just work against the person that is being labeled, it works on everyone watching too.
For example, as I was writing this, I saw that Trump had announced a rally at the famous Madison Square Garden in New York City.
I searched on Google and found this article from USA Today, where they used the “nazi” label. They mention twice that MSG hosted a pro-nazi rally in 1939, thus seeding the connection. Then they bring it home by quoting a New York State Senator: “Allowing Trump to hold an event at MSG is equivalent to the infamous Nazis rally at Madison Square Garden on February 20, 1939.”
This is effectively labeling Trump a Nazi, and by implication his fans as Nazis supporters. That’s not something a normal person wants to be, so some of them would probably be scared to show up for fear of being seen as a Nazi supporter, even though they know in their hearts it’s total BS.
Here’s a list of common label words to look out for:
● Racist
● Sexist
● Homophobe
● Transphobe
● Islamophobe
● Anti-Semite
● Misogynist
● Fascist
● Communist
● Socialist
● Elitist
● Ableist
● Bigot
● Xenophobe
● Populist
● Authoritarian
● Neoliberal
● White supremacist
● Nationalist
● Conspiracy theorist
● Election denier
Labels are not arguments. They don’t address the point being maken at all. It’s a way to avoid making an argument.
Labels are not entirely without use. We need to name things to talk about them. But they’re not an argument.
If you’re going to use a term, be willing to define it. And rather than calling someone “woke” or “conspiracy theorist” and leaving it at that, let’s get into the details:
● What do you see that I don’t?
● What makes you believe what you believe?
● What values are important to you here?
● What do you make this mean?
● What are you afraid of?
● What’s the narrative and what are you basing that on?
Get curious. Listen. And remember that any understanding is always our best misconception so far, until a better one comes along. We have to remain open to discovery.
Labels work because they scare us into submission, but in truth they’re feckless. Once you’ve been labeled enough times, you realize how hollow they are. Labels have no power over you other than the power you give them. Stop fearing them.
Think about it. Let’s take “racist.” What is actually a racist?
Say you’re literally a KKK-style racist who wants to kill or hurt or harm black people in some way because they’re black. Well, how did you come to hold those beliefs? Probably you were pretty traumatized as a child. Maybe it had to do with black people, more likely it had nothing to do with blacks. They just became the scapegoat. So what do you need? You need to be name called, shamed, ostracized? Or you need love, healing, compassion?
Danish photographer Jacob Holdt became famous for a series called American Pictures that he shot in the 1970s hitchhiking through America, especially the south. Whenever he caught a ride with someone, he’d talk with them for hours. The son of preachers, he was really good at getting people to open up.
And lo and behold, all of the toughest racists and KKKs, every single time they’d end up sharing their story of childhood abuse, and they’d end up crying. And after, they’d leave the KKK, they’d never do another racist thing ever again, and they’d make friends with black people and atone for the pain they caused.
Listen, have compassion, see the world through their eyes, honor both of your humanity, and the “problem” dissolves.
That’s how you deal with racists or anyone else that you feel called to label as a “bad person”. Love trumps hate, as I’ve been told.
Sloganeering
The other day I came across these posters on a construction site near my house:
This is a classic low rung slogan that only serves to sow division and doesn’t help the conversation at all.
The question to ask yourself is: who would take the other side of thisargument? If the answer is “no one” you know it’s BS.
No one is against immigrants. I’ve literally never heard anyone on the left or the right say immigrants or immigration in general is bad. No one. What we’re discussing is who, when, how, why, and from where. That’s a conversation we should have.
Another common slogan is the pro abortion slogan “my body my choice,” which is equally dishonest.
No-one, aside from people who want to mandate COVID vaccines, are arguing against you having choice over your own body.
But the question arises because when you’re pregnant, there are obviously two bodies involved.
We can argue about whether it goes from one body to two bodies at conception, after 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 9 months, or even later. But anyone honest will agree that at some point, there are two bodies, and if you kill the child, it’s murder and you should go to jail.
All we’re debating is where to draw the line, and that’s an honest conversation for us to have.
It’s not the state trying to go after women, it’s the state protecting the life of an innocent defenseless baby, and we all agree that at some point that is the job of the state to do.
So all we’re doing is having a conversation about what that point is.
But the phrase “my body my choice” is deliberately designed to obfuscate the issue being debated, which makes it a bad faith argument.
Similar with “love is love.” No one is arguing that love isn’t love. Literally no one. So what are you really saying, and why not just say that?
These kinds of slogans are low rung.
Productive Conversations
So how do you have a productive conversation?
You get curious, and you listen.
You keep your mind open to new information.
Even to information that might change your mind!
I know. Scary!
Some great questions are:
● How do you see this issue?
● What information are you seeing that’s making you believe this?
● What makes you believe that?
● What does that word mean to you?
● What is the problem we’re trying to solve?
● What outcome do we want, and how would we measure success so we’d know when we got there?
● What strategies could we think of that might get us that outcome?
● What are some principles we can agree on here?
● If you believed what I believe, would you agree that’s a problem we need to address?
● What might be some of the 2nd, 3rd or 4th order consequences from that?
● What would be the cost, downside, or risks involved?
These are the types of questions we can ask to make our conversations more productive.
That takes time. It takes effort. It takes patience. It takes critical thinking. It takes research. It takes open mindedness. All qualities that get lost in the shuffle.
A crucial key is slowing down.
A lot.
Break apart each statement and make sure you understand what’s being said.
Maybe even help the other person understand what they’re saying.
One of the brilliant things about having conversation is that as we hear ourselves speak, we find out what we believe. Just like for me, writing this book was extremely helpful in clarifying my thinking.
Nothing wrong with this. Don’t mock the other person for being unsure. That’s healthy. We’re all like this. That’s why we talk!
Disneyification of Politics
Beware of the desire to see the world in heroes and villains. This is another low rung pattern.
To someone on the left, Biden and Harris and Zelensky are heroes. Trump and Putin are villains.
To someone on the right, Trump is a hero, and Biden and Harris and the blob are villains.
Reality is more complex. There are no absolute heroes or absolute villains.
Steelmanning
A strawman argument is when you present an argument from “the other side” but you do it in a totally disingenuous way, putting forward a position that no-one actually takes, just so you can shoot it down.
For example, Tim Walz, VP candidate on the Kamala Harris ticket, was accused early on of lying about being in combat while serving in the military. His response was that “you should never denigrate another person’s service record.”
Here’s the rub: nobody denigrated his service record. They acknowledged that he served his country honorably. The problem was that he lied about being in combat when he never were, and used the lie to advance his political career. That’s called stolen valor, and it’s something service members take very seriously.
Strawmanning is very common and something to look out for.
When listening to someone’s rebuttal, check if the person they’re rebutting would agree to their characterization of their argument. If not, it’s not honest.
The opposite is called “steelmanning.”
This is where you make an honest effort to present the opposing side’s argument in a way that’s as good or better than they’d say it.
You check with them that they agree that it’s an accurate representation of their position.
Then and only then do you respond to it.
Always aim for steelmanning and call out strawmanning as dishonest.
Everything Is as It Should Be
This is one of my core beliefs.
When you start talking about politics, it’s easy to get riled up and angry about what’s going on, no matter which movie you’re watching.
Many people who get into politics get really angry and righteous and upset and they want to blame and make others into villains.
I don’t find that helpful.
I believe everything is exactly as it should be in this moment.
The world has always been an astonishingly beautiful and a disturbingly dark place. It all depends on what you focus on and what lens you look at it through.
It doesn’t matter what is happening around you, the moment you believe the thought that anything should be different than it is, you suffer. The judgment, no matter how subtle, causes a disconnect with reality, and it hurts.
Worse, it helps keep whatever you judge in place.
Many people look at the news and get triggered, upset, and depressed. I don’t. I get fascinated. I enjoy it. I’ve stopped watching all TV shows, movies, Netflix, or other “programming”. Real life is the greatest TV show ever conceived, and X is my front row seat. Heck, I even get to play a part! It’s like a real-life video game. It’s exhilarating!
Whenever you get emotionally triggered, that’s a gift that’s pointing to a place in your mind where you’re not yet free. Question your beliefs, feel your feelings, and freedom and joy will be yours once again.
I believe we’re in a beautiful time in history.
Shadowy forces have been controlling life on the planet for thousands of years. The church, thugs, criminals, heck, even the Vikings that I descend from probably weren’t all that kind.
But today, thanks to the internet, the truth is coming out. Liars and criminals are getting exposed. We can share our discoveries directly with each other in real time, something that was never possible in the past. People are waking up to the truth at scale. And that’s a beautiful thing. We’re on the right path.
