One of my life lessons is low self-worth, coupled by a feeling that I’m not successful but that in order to be okay I have to be successful.
When that cocktail sets in, it’s really hard for me to see a way out. Because I tend to believe in the “not successful” part. I can see how the lack of worth part is bogus – the fact that we exist makes us worthy, period – but the success part has always tripped me up because I believe in it. “Well, I’m sort-of successful, but I’m not really successful like David Heinemeier Hansson or Steve Jobs”.
Today it dawned on me that just because that small self part of me doesn’t feel successful doesn’t mean I am not actually successful. It just means that part of me doesn’t feel successful. Which is okay. I can love it for feeling that way. It doesn’t make it true.
The fact is that I have two amazing children whom I love and who love me, a fabulous wife, a work that I love, where customers send me unsolicited fan mail daily, where they thank me for taking their money (yes, really!), and I truly love serving and delighting them, it’s providing me with the income I need, I’ve just hired an amazing developer, I’m healthy, practice yoga daily, I get to live wherever I want, work whenever I want … yes, I’d say I’m successful.
Can I be even more successful? Of course! Do I want to be even more successful? Of course! But that doesn’t mean I’m not successful now. This is something I have to remind myself of from time to time.
Just because that voice says you’re not worthy or not enough or not good enough, doesn’t mean it’s telling the truth. It’s not. It doesn’t have to go away. You just have to stop believing it, and instead love it for what it is: A scared little child who in need of security and comfort and love.