Love or no love, success or failure

Listening to more of David Deida’s “Enlightened Sex,” which is about a whole lot more than sex.

He talks about the female (not necessarily women, but the female part in all of us) wants to know that it’s loved. Always asking the question: Am I loved? Yes, good. No? Bad. Loved? Not loved?

Similarly, the masculine part always asks: Am I successful? Or am I a failure? Successful? Failure?

Both questions lead nowhere. You can keep asking those questions over and over and over, and you’ll never feel loved enough or successful enough. It’s a process.

Actually, here’s another quote from the Bogusky article in FastCompany:

[…] his father, who taught him that “part of the joy of winning is the infliction of loss.” Now, he says, tapping his forearm like a junkie, “I’ve been messing around with this less-competitive version of myself, because the other doesn’t make you happy. You can’t win enough.”

So instead of trying to win, instead of trying to become successful enough, instead of trying to feel loved enough, try to just – moment to moment – sense what life wants. What love wants. How life wants to move through you. What wants to express itself through you.

I think that’s a much more useful, inspiring, alive, fun, playful way to look at things than striving for love or for success.