How to Become Miserable

Well, truthfully, there are many roads that lead to becoming miserable. But one of the ones I've tended to favor is the one where we talk ourselves out of feeling certain things.

You feel upset about something. But you have a rule that says you can't feel that way. And so you shut it down.

Your partner or parent does something that makes you feel disrespected or hurt. And yet, because you love them, and you're grateful for everything they're doing or have done for you, you think "I can't feel that way about my __".

The problem is, the feeling's still there. You have to honor it. Doesn't mean you have to follow it. But you have to honor it. If you don't, it doesn't go away. Feelings only go away when they've been felt. Until that time, you'll be carrying it around.

That's how I used to be. A balloon filled with all sorts of feelings I didn't allow myself to feel. "Big boys don't cry". "So many people have it worse". "I'm strong, I can handle things". "It's shameful to be afraid". "It's shameful to feel shame". On and on.

I really used to believe that my feelings didn't matter. Everyone else's feelings did, of course. They simply were not important. So I never honored them, never took them seriously.

Let me tell you, that is a way to die  slow and certain death inside.

Your feelings DO matter. In fact, they're CRITICAL. They're what makes you human. Your feelings are what makes you you. It's what makes you alive.

So really take them seriously. And also take responsibility for them. Your feelings are created by you, not other people. Your feelings don't dictate how you choose to act and behave. You do.

But your feelings are first-rate citizens. They deserve your attention. They have valuable information to give to you. Honor them. Respect them. Listen to them. Value them.

That is all.

Love, -Calvin

PS. If you haven't yet gotten your copy of my book, go do it now!

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