Hello! It's your calling calling
For so many years I’ve been dodging fate. Ignored my calling. Run away from my purpose.
What’s my purpose? I believe I’m called upon to heal large numbers of people. To end their suffering, to bring them peace, and to let them express their love and creativity.
Sounds big? You bet. And it scares the hell out of me, and I want to cry with joy and freedom at the same time. But most of all, I feel like surrendering.
Why the running away? Several reasons.
First, I’m terrified. Why me, dammit! I’m doing fine. I’m minding my own business, making a living, taking care of my family. Can I please just be left alone?
I’m terrified at the thought of everything that seems to go with the job: Having to get out in front of a large number of people and pretend I have anything to teach; writing a book: working with people individually and in groups; pretending I know the Truth. Right now, I’m scared people will read this and think I’m a selfdelusional fruitcake.
Second, who am I to think I have anything to give? So many people are smarter, better looking, better communicators, more spiritual, more peaceful, more powerful than me. Who am I to think I have anything to add?
Third, wouldn’t everyone want to do this if they got the chance? Obviously we can’t all go around teaching like this.
Since I was a child, I’ve had a great fascination with “Mahatma Gandhi”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandhi, or at least the idea about him that I got from watching the movie as a kid. That quiet, peaceful, egoless, yet immensely powerful that he touched so many people, it blew me away. My entire life, I’ve firmly believed that everyone would want to be Gandhi if they could. And of course we can’t all be Gandhi, that would be madness. Nnly recently did I realize hardly anyone wants to be Gandhi.
But all of those reservations are of the ego. They’re thoughts. They’re about fear.
The truth is, I understand how to live a life free of suffering. I have an innate ability to understand and accept and love other people for who they are (And my self? Mmmm, that’s taken a bit of work) . And I have the ability to communicate that understanding. It would be a crime to let ego get in the way of that.
Let me illustrate with an example. As you probably know, I’m taking this coaching education with Sofia Manning, and it’s excellent, it’s brought so many amazing things into my life. But the core method that they teach is quite rigid, and it doesn’t go to the level of true healing that’s really all that practically all of us truly need – when we’re ready. That type of work is what my coach, Bruce, is doing with me.
So I was doing a coaching session a few weeks ago, when my client brought up a topic that was clearly much better suited for a “Bruce” type approach than a “Sofia” approach. I could do a Sofia, and we’d make progress, but it wouldn’t be nearly as valuable.
So the thought that popped into my head first was that I had to practice what I’d been taught, it was much too soon to stray away. Maybe in three months’ time. After all, I’d only been coached this way, I’d never been taught how to do it with others.
But here’s where I got it wrong: It’s not about me. Those thoughts are just my ego being afraid of doing something wrong. “Let’s stick to the script, so no-one can blame me,” it says. It’s fear talking. What would love do here?
Love would help my client heal as fully as possible, as directly as possible.
And this, more than anything, is the pill I’ve finally had to swallow: This is not about me. This is about how I can be of service. This is about life. In fact, it’s about capital-L Life.
Life wants to use you, and it’s trying to tell you how. You can either choose to listen, or you can try and pretend it’s not there. But it’s not going anywhere. It’ll keep on bugging you until you put your ego aside and start fulfilling Life’s plan for you.
When will you start listening?